I’ve run out of steam. For me March can be like that. The world around me has lifted; lighter and brighter, faster and smarter, pulsing in an elevated frequency - but I am not resonating to this hammering beat.
Bird business flourishes and whirrs through bush and branch, a helter-skelter of display, mating and nesting, collecting and feeding. A lattice-work city of frenetic activity. Song clamours from every direction swelling the air with vibrating tunes and notes; the head-banging enthusiasm of the woodpecker’s drumming, a heart-busting liquid cadence from a blackbird, the clear loud chime of the great-tit belling, a robin’s hope-filled spring aria, the rabble-rousing, chattering, squabble of sparrows. Even the night echoes around the vixen-cry of the barn owl discordant against the quivering ‘oos’ of the tawny owl’s hoot. The first chiffchaff, the first skylark, an imagined cuckoo…
The trees shift imperceptibly as their roots suck up draughts of deep cold water. Buds tremor, blush, swell and burst. Peeks and flashes of fresh-clean acid green. Cotton-wool buds of pussy willow, golden-rain catkins. Shoots thrust with phallic determination through wet glutinous clay topped with winter detritus.
Ice-clear light bounces off surfaces in shattered kaleidoscopic patterns. My eyes sting - hurt. I’m so far behind this living vitality. Lost still in the sludgy greys of winter, my body has yet to shed its winter skin. I feel a pale, slow, sallow shadow beside the energy of life around me. Ugly and unlovely. Soon I will catch up with mother earth but for a few weeks more I shall struggle to free myself from Skadi’s clutch.



17 comments
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March 25, 2008 at 8:52 pm
Jane
Glad to see you are surfacing. Spring can be a bit full-on at times. Of course I notice when you are quiet… I look forward to reading your posts. They set me off onto daydreaming about the countryside, life in general and how I feel.
You might like to lose yourself in a new blog I’ve found called “Tales from Kulafumbi” http://www.wildernessdiary.com/journal/ beautiful pictures on there today taken by Tanya of her home and wildlife.
Perhaps we should both go and visit her
Take care. Jane
March 25, 2008 at 9:59 pm
mary
Never ugly and unlovely Paula. I think we’re all feeling a bit jaded by the news and the cold northerly blasts which have brought Spring to a halt up here. You have expended a lot of energy too on the calving and lambing + all your other 1001 tasks. Take care
March 27, 2008 at 9:39 am
paula
Amazing…want to go there now!
Thanks Jane, what an extraorinary house too.
I’ve plans for an eco build here on the farm as a lodge for people to stay in when I run ‘living in the country’ courses. I’ve been exploring all kinds of different eco materials and designs - facinating.
March 27, 2008 at 9:41 am
paula
Keep coming with those comments Mary…I’m lapping every one up at the moment!
Ahhh…thank you. Take care too.
March 27, 2008 at 1:42 pm
eyegillian
I love your description of the signs of spring, of birds and the first tender green shoots. It’s so wonderful to have longer days and to be able to walk outside without wearing a hat. But I feel the same as you do, this year — there seems to be spring in the air, but none in me. As I get older, I don’t seem to adapt as quickly. I think there needs to be a post-hibernation holiday, some time to make the transition from the long struggle of winter into the bouyancy of spring.
March 27, 2008 at 3:55 pm
heidi
Paula, Iam in awe of the hard work you put in every day on the farm. All those lives you tend to, all the land you love and care for, the hard work, the sheer force of will you have to get up before the dawn on cold winter mornings. No winters hibernation for you to restore your energy, no long winters nap to renew your shoots and buds.
You need a good sunny day with nothing to do but just be.
IS that even possible?
Renewal will come, when the sun finally triumphs over her sister winter..
March 27, 2008 at 5:23 pm
LittleFfarm Dairy
Hi Paula -
know just how you feel….but the way you write about Spiring makes me feel inspired - & a little less jaded.
Let’s raise our spirits to a swift end to winter so we can all be bouncing about like spring lambs again!
March 27, 2008 at 8:47 pm
elizabethm
Today has been a beautiful day, the first warm one we have had in ages and I did feel springlike today. I loved your descriptions of the spring. We have had birdsong spilling over today. Hope you feel full of the joys today!
March 28, 2008 at 12:44 am
Liz Jamieson
I am overjoyed to hear that you are thinking of an eco-build and courses. I hope , you do it here. I am also going to run courses, inspired by your ideas - everything to do with country living, and all at once, nothing to do with country living.
My courses will be web development courses for the budding entrepreneur - how to survive in the countryside if you are not a farmer and you want to work from home - and the listed buildings officer is doing is utmost to prevent me from succeeding. The money we have spent on architects and rejected plans is eye-watering. Maybe you have some ideas Paula to help me out here. I am out of ideas. A stiff, shared whiskey would do.
March 28, 2008 at 10:48 am
paula
I agree with you there, Gillian, some kind of post-hibernation rejuvenation training is most definitely needed!
It’s apparently a well accepted fact amongst doctors, councillors, alternative practioners etc. that March is a month that throws up many problems. So we are the norm!
March 28, 2008 at 10:59 am
paula
Mutual admiration - I’m in awe of the way you work metal!
But yes, that’s a good point Heidi, and I’ve taken heart…most bling-bright things have had a little winter respite whereas winter is my most sloggy time.
I shall act on it and pin myself out the next balmy, sunny day.
March 28, 2008 at 11:00 am
paula
Let’s just do that littleFfarm!
Hopefully my writing will give me a kick up the butt too…
March 28, 2008 at 11:12 am
Tanya
Hello Paula (and Jane too!)…This is Tanya from Kenya, doing a bit of cyber traveling…how beautifully you write, Paula… fun to see comments here about my own blog too!
Take care…
March 28, 2008 at 11:26 am
paula
Gorgeously glorious elizabethm. How can one not respond positively?
Glad the words resonated too.
March 28, 2008 at 11:29 am
paula
Lizzie this needs some serious putting-heads-together stuff. Can you make mine a brandy, please.
March 28, 2008 at 11:44 am
paula
Welcome Tanya from Kenya - how exciting, I love this cyber connection thing! Robert, husband, would sell his soul, and mine, for your African life.
I haven’t yet had time to explore all your blog, saving it to savour and escape to. Extraordinary place, animals, river and life. So glad Jane found you!
I’ll be over shortly if work allows a few minutes respite.
March 29, 2008 at 6:50 pm
Tanya
Looking forward to seeing you “over here” when you find those spare minutes…